💔 Sexual Coercion: Reclaiming My Voice After a Lifetime of Being Silenced

If you are reading this: This is one of those topics that people are really afraid to discuss. We can talk about it here. You are safe with me. Lets get into it. I don’t think this gets talked about enough: when you’re pressured, guilted, or manipulated into sex you don’t want, don’t feel up to, or simply don’t consent to.

I’ve lived this. Not once. Not twice. But over and over throughout my life.

I was first sexually abused as a child by a neighbor. I was sexually abused again as an adult. And most recently, I was in a relationship where someone—who knew I was living with crippling facial pain, who knew I could barely function some days—decided that his sexual needs mattered more than my well-being. Several times he asked if I could just ‘lay there’ so he could take care of his needs. Let me tell you, when you are in severe head pain… what being shook and rattled around feels like… it feels like an explosion of pain. I was made to feel like I was failing. Like I wasn’t enough. Like I was “supposed to” show up in ways I physically and emotionally could not.

And the worst part? I believed him.

I started telling myself:

— Maybe I should be trying harder.

— Maybe this is what it takes to keep someone around.

— If I want someone to love me, I have to meet this need because they have needs too.

— I am not doing my duty.

— Maybe I’m the problem.

— Maybe I’m the problem.

— Maybe I’m the problem.

I wasn’t.

I’m not.

And neither are you.

Ready? Deep breath, grab your water.. Here we go.

What Sexual Coercion Looks Like:

Sexual coercion doesn’t have to involve screaming or violence. Sometimes it sounds like:

— “It’s not like I’m asking for much.”

— “I have needs too, you know.”

— “Come on, you’re just going to roll over again?”

— Or silence. Withdrawal. Coldness that makes you feel like the bad guy for saying no.

In my case, it was constant pressure. It was being made to feel that I was “less than” because I couldn’t meet someone’s demands—demands that had nothing to do with love or partnership and everything to do with control.

I live with Trigeminal Neuralgia—a rare, excruciating nerve pain that leaves me exhausted, debilitated, and barely able to function some days. By evening, I’m in survival mode. But none of that mattered. Because when someone cares more about what they want than how you feel, that’s not love. That’s abuse.

The Cost of Coercion:

When you’re coerced—especially repeatedly—you start to:

— Question your own boundaries

— Lose trust in your body’s signals

— Feel guilt, shame, and confusion

— Disconnect from your own needs

That’s where I was. Until I realized something that changed everything:

👉 I will not abandon myself anymore.

👉 I will not betray Little Dana.

A Personal Experience: I write these, because if you relate… I want you to learn from my experience. Do nto let these things happen to you. I will tell you how it started, what happened.. and where this road ends. :

I can’t do anything about what happened to me as a child. I don’t blame myself, I was confused, I was around 10-11 years old.. it happened, its over. I never told anyone. About 5 years ago my sister told my parents, but I never discussed this publicly, until now. Everything I am telling you - all my research says: NAME IT. Say it out loud. Thats what I am doing so I no longer need to carry this, and neither does little Dana. Oh, I found him. I could name him… especially since he is on the board of education now, but I wont. I have to pick my battles these days, and I’m already at war with pain, TN, addiction … I don’t have time for junk.

Recently from April - July of 2025, I was in a relationship where I experienced this firsthand—again. I live with Trigeminal Neuralgia, and some days I can barely function, let alone meet anyone’s sexual expectations. But instead of care and compassion, I was met with pressure. Constant, exhausting pressure.

He told me he was a nymphomaniac (learn about this here)—like it was my responsibility to keep up with that, even though I was physically suffering. I felt like I was failing. Like I wasn’t doing my “duty.” Like I wasn’t enough. And honestly? He made me question my own boundaries. He made me doubt myself.

But this time? I said no.

And when I said no, it ended the relationship. And that should have been the end of it. But of course—it wasn’t.

I asked for my house key back. A basic, simple boundary that everyone does. He told me I should just change my locks instead. I still don’t know what red flag I missed with this man, but I’m just glad I finally saw it. I’m glad I said no. I’m glad I protected myself.

It didn’t stop there. He came to get his kids laptop, for the key. Handed me a bag of tennis balls and frozen pierogis. I appreciate that, so does Nicky - but where is my key??

The key—he claimed he “forgot” it. Then, unbelievably, he demanded money for the key, he DID paid for it (apartment key fob-$100). Let me say this: I’m on disability. He’s a medical professional. But somehow, the man with the six-figure salary needed my cash for a key?

I said I’d try to get the money together and even offered to have a friend pick it up so he wouldn’t be inconvenienced. But the truth is, he never wanted the money. It was never about that. It wasn’t about driving here. It was about control… because in the end, he said NO. No to having it picked up with cash. When I said my friend would give him the money - he told me to deactivate it and pay for a new key. Meaning I have to change all my keys now. Is it the end of the world? Certainly not… annoying? Very.

In the end, he threw my house key in the trash.

And he told me to change my locks.

Why?

Because I said no.

Because I wouldn’t sacrifice my body for his needs.

Because I chose to protect myself—and he couldn’t handle that.

And you know what? Thank God I said no.

Because that’s not the kind of person I want anywhere near me, my life, Nicky, or Little Dana.

Moving Forward:

I’m still healing. I’m still rebuilding trust with myself. But this I know for sure: I will never again sacrifice my well-being to keep someone else comfortable.

I will never again ignore the voice inside me that says this doesn’t feel right.

I will never again leave Little Dana unprotected.

What I Want You to Know:

If you have been or are being sexually coerced, you are not broken.

You are not to blame.

You didn’t imagine it.

Your feelings are valid.

And you can heal.

It’s not too late. It’s never too late.

It is NOT YOUR FAULT.

And One More Thing:

To the person who threw my house key in the trash: Thank you. Thank you for showing me who you really are. Thank you for setting me free.

Because I’m done.

I’m done shrinking.

I’m done people-pleasing.

I’m done abandoning myself.

I’m done letting anyone make me feel guilty for saying no.

Little Dana is safe now.

And so am I.

Oh—and one more thing, since we’re being honest: To the nymphomaniac: I’ve really expected a much better performance. You were… honestly, terrible in bed. If that’s your idea of “insatiable,” I’ve got news for you: I’ve had better experiences alone.

With Love,

Dana & Nicky.