💔 What They Didn’t See

💔 What They Didn’t See

When I finished building my website, I was proud.

Not “regular proud”—not the kind of proud you feel when you bake something nice or finish a project.

This was survival-proud.

This was I-built-this-out-of-my-own-broken-body proud.

This was I-haven’t-had-a-reason-to-look-forward-to-anything-in-years-and-I-just-created-an-actual-business-with-my-story-at-the-center proud.

And I shared it with people who’ve known what I’ve been through.

I thought they would be excited.

I thought maybe they’d say, “I’m proud of you.”

Instead of sharing in the success.. they took the opportunity to go through every word and find every problem… pick it apart, and bring it to my attention. The conversation didnt start with Congrats, this is great! It started with. “well I was on this page and why is this here and why does it say this and this link doesnt work” (and just for a notation… these are all things that have to do with selling internationally specifically in the EU… absolutely no anything to do with these people… nothing they ever need to read.. but this is what they chose to pick a fight over instead of saying “well done”.

They continued condescendingly questioning my choices.

They told me I shouldn’t be selling internationally because “I dont know anything and I have to look into it”. (To my viewers: Of course, I looked into, and discussed it with other professionals it before deciding to sell internationally).

They accused me of choosing a cheap printing company (without even asking for the name of it… just assuming whatever it is is low quality), and then putting me down for not framing, and printing everything manually myself. In fact this is the best example:
1. How in the world am I supposed to make art if im spending all my time printing, shipping, and doing that side of the business?

2. I started this to distract me from pain. To do art. I never planned to sell my work. So you want to take away that… and just give me stress? Just to hurt me?

They made me feel like I had to defend myself for something I poured my soul into. That I researched to death. That I reached out to other artists to see what they did. That I paid for a certification to learn.

With these two… It doesnt matter because it’s me. It’s Dana.. and to these people, no matter what I do… it’s wrong. It’s not good enough. There is never credibility. There is never praise. There is only criticism, negativity, and the suggestion I should quit because “I am not capable enough”

And in that moment, all of that fragile pride crumbled under their criticism.

My confidence was shattered.

But here’s what they didn’t see:

They didn’t see the months I spent too sick to move.

They didn’t see the years of pain, the grief, the trauma, the loss.

They didn’t see me teaching myself to paint from a bed.

They didn’t see the hours of building and rebuilding when I could barely think straight.

They didn’t see the tears of staring at a computer screen that was killing me, sending sharp pains through my eyeballs and skull… that I needed to stand every few minutes and refocus.

They didn’t see how hard it was to keep choosing life.

They didn’t see that this wasn’t a “website.”

This was a resurrection.

It's not that they didnt see. They just dont care. It’s not “perfect enough for them”. And now I have my own concerns, things I already researched, thought of… did my due diligence on.

Well - I worked hard through blood and sweat and did it. Now that it’s done, I was so happy and so excited… they put the entire thing down. My confidence was shattered.

But THIS IS WHY I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS! This doesnt just happen to me. How many people have I met who said their families didnt take them seriously? Constantly felt like the black sheep? Everything they said “was exaggerated or never happened at all”. It SUCKS to sit at a family event staring across the table trying to decide if: You should be a totally different person to please the family member? Or hold true to yourself knowing that you will be put down no matter what you say. “Hey I won the lottery!” “well, now you really are going to have tax problems"“.. we all know those people right? We all have them in our world and sometimes, it really does derail us. Especially if it’s someone you trust, you hold in a high regard and are close to.

Truthfully - It took some time for me to get back to work. It was done, it’s sitting at the printers ready to be added but I removed everything from the store in case there WAS a problem (an actual one.. not just something they didnt like). I lost the excitement I had, the desire to come up with ideas… sharing my story. It took weeks to do all that work that I deleted in a second…. all because of some inconsiderate rudeness.

This is what I did to overcome it.

1: The very first thing I did was call my mom crying. She talked to me in a way I could understand about the family member, difference in values… etc.

2. I called the friends im closest to. We talked for a minute about what happened, and the rest of the time… why I am doing what I am doing. Why I am fighting so hard. The purpose behind it all. That got some fire rushing through my veins.

I went from sad to angry… but in my program, I have learned how to pause. How to respond, not react. I sent a factual text over why I was upset.

3. I jumped into a random zoom AA meeting. The best thing about AA and what I knew - no matter what the topic was, surrender, acceptance, gratitude.. I could still talk about this to a room of people under that topic and get understanding. Compassion. Feedback.

4. I took a nap. For me, emotions are exhausting. Anyone who lives in pain is always tired because pain is exhausting. This year I was gifted an adjustable bed which has been one of the most helpful things for my recovery. I put my little one in her crate, raised the legs, and laid back.

5. I took the rest of the day off. I focused on fun. Planning new fun trips, things like that to get my mood back.

I didnt go to sleep angry. I didnt go to sleep upset. It may have ruined my day, it may have disrupted the launch of my company, but I am sitting here now adding everything to my store, CORRECTLY. And this time, if someone wants to criticize or give me an opinion, I can just smile at them… because today, I know the only opinion that matters regarding my company, my brand… is my own. And thats progress.

With Love,

Dana and Nicky.