Being Loved Is the Minimum

I used to think love was the goal.

If someone loved me, that was supposed to be enough. If they loved me and showed up—even in inconsistent, painful, or controlling ways—I was supposed to be grateful. I was supposed to work with it.

Make it work.

Make me work.

But here’s what I’ve learned the hard way:

Being loved is the minimum.

It is not the full measure of a healthy relationship.

Love without respect will still destroy you.

Love without support will still leave you lonely.

Love without understanding will still make you feel invisible.

Right now, I’m sitting in the middle of a silence that followed one of the worst arguments I’ve ever had with with someone I love, very much. Not a romantic love, a family members love.

And for once, I’m not rushing to fix it. Not this time.

Because yes, he loves me.

But does he respect me?

Does he make space for me to be a full person—with autonomy, boundaries, a life of my own that doesn’t need his permission?

Does he allow the freedom for me to figure out who “I” am and not just who they want me to be?

When I’m quiet and honest with myself… the answer right now is no.

And so I’ve decided to take space.

Not to punish. Not to be dramatic.

But because I don’t need to keep proving I’m worthy of being treated well.

Love is the bare minimum.

I want—and deserve—to be valued, prioritized, respected, heard, desired, understood, and supported.

We all do.

So if you’re reading this and you’re wondering why something hurts even though “they love you,”

this might be your answer.

It’s not just about being loved.

It’s about how that love is shown.

How it lives in the daily actions.

How it meets you in your humanity.

You are not hard to love.

But you’re not here for the minimum anymore.

You’re here for wholeness.

Luckily, what I am also learning is that this doesnt need to be the end. This doesnt need to be the final straw of the relationship. Maybe you just need some space away from eachother. Maybe with a little time, and a fresh pair of glasses, you can re-unite under the premise of maturity, mutual respect.

And if they do TRUELY love you… not out of obligation as a family member but if they TRUELY love you - with a little time, a little space, you can rebuild better than before.

That is my hope.

With Love,

Dana & Nicky.