Love Bombing: It Wasn’t Love—It Was Control Wrapped in Compliments
You ever meet someone who seems perfect?
They tell you you’re everything. They text constantly. They want to see you every day. They talk about forever before you’ve even figured out their last name?
Feels like a fairy tale, right? Wrong.
That’s love bombing. And it’s not love—it’s a setup.
🎯 What Is Love Bombing?
Love bombing is when someone floods you with excessive affection, attention, gifts, compliments, and over-the-top gestures in order to gain your trust and attachment fast.
But it’s not about you. It’s about control.
The goal? To hook you emotionally, make you dependent on their validation, and create a dynamic where you feel like you owe them—your time, your love, your forgiveness, even your silence.
It’s not romance.
It’s manipulation in glitter wrapping paper.
🚩 Signs of Love Bombing
Let’s break it down:
They come on strong—immediately.
“I’ve never felt this way before.” “You’re my soulmate.” “I love you” in week one.
Nonstop communication.
Calls, texts, DMs. All day, every day. You feel flattered—until it starts feeling claustrophobic.
Grand gestures early on.
Flowers, plane tickets, surprise gifts, expensive dinners—before they even know your middle name.
They talk about the future like it’s already happening.
“We’ll get married.” “We’ll raise dogs together.” “I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”
They mirror you.
Your favorite band? Theirs too. Your opinions? Totally agree. Your traumas? They “get it.” Everything you are—they pretend to be.
They isolate you.
At first it’s “I just want you all to myself.” Then suddenly, you’re canceling plans, skipping meetings, losing touch with friends.
💥 Why It Works
Because it feels amazing.
Your nervous system gets flooded with dopamine. It feels like safety, love, belonging. It feels like everything you’ve been waiting for.
Especially if you’re coming from trauma, neglect, abuse, or long-term loneliness… this kind of intensity feels like healing. Like finally being seen.
But it’s a high.
And when the high wears off… the control begins.
😶 What Happens After the Bomb Drops?
That’s when the shift begins.
The attention disappears.
You’re “too needy” for wanting the affection they trained you to expect.
Suddenly you’re the problem, you’re dramatic, you’re clingy.
Or worse—they start the devalue/discard phase.
And you’re left chasing the person they pretended to be.
🛠️ How to Protect Yourself from Love Bombing
This is what Dove Recovery Art is about - Let’s armor you up, baby. Here’s what you do:
1. Slow. It. Down.
Love that’s real will not mind you setting the pace. Love bombing needs speed to work.
“I really like this, but I move slowly. If this is real, it’ll wait.”
2. Notice how they respond to your boundaries.
Do they back off respectfully? Or guilt you, mock you, or withdraw affection?
“No” is a test. Watch who passes.
3. Keep your people close.
Love bombers want you isolated. Don’t let that happen. Keep your best friend, your therapist, your sponsor, your dog—whoever your Truth Squad is—in the loop.
4. Look for actions, not words.
Anyone can say you’re their soulmate. Can they respect your time? Show up consistently? Support your healing?
Words are easy. Behavior is truth.
5. Check in with your gut.
Even when everything looks shiny, your body knows. If you feel overwhelmed, anxious, addicted, or like you’re floating too high—check in.
🕊 Final Word: Love Doesn’t Need to Explode
Love should feel warm, steady, and safe.
Not like a rocket launch. Not like a whirlwind. And definitely not like something you have to earn by losing yourself. If someone truly loves you, they don’t need to impress you—they’ll want to get to know you.
If you’ve been love bombed, you’re not stupid. You’re not naïve. You’re human. And a part of you just wanted to feel loved. That part still deserves love—just from someone who doesn’t weaponize it.
With Love,
Dana & Nicky
