Projection: It’s Not You. It’s Them. (But They’ll Swear It’s You.)

Ever get into a conversation where suddenly you’re the villain… even though you didn’t do anything wrong?

You bring up a concern, and instead of accountability, you get accused of the very thing they’re doing?

Congratulations, my love. You just got projected on—and we’re not talking about PowerPoint.

🎭 What Is Projection?

Projection is a defense mechanism where someone takes their own thoughts, feelings, or behavior—and puts them on you.

They can’t (or won’t) deal with what they’re doing or feeling, so they externalize it. You become the screen they project their discomfort onto.

It sounds like:

• “You’re so selfish!” (While they just ignored your boundaries.)

• “You’re too sensitive.” (While they just blew up over nothing.)

• “You’re always judging me.” (While they’re actively criticizing you.)

• “You probably don’t trust me.” (While they’re secretly lying.)

They’re accusing you of their own stuff so they don’t have to feel the weight of it. It’s not accountability. It’s emotional dodgeball—and you’re the target.

🧠 Why People Use Projection

Because dealing with shame, guilt, fear, or insecurity is hard. Especially for folks who never learned emotional self-awareness (or refuse to learn it).

Example:

So instead of saying: “I feel insecure right now and don’t know how to express it.”

They say: “You’re trying to make me feel small.”

They flip the script because the truth is too uncomfortable to face.

🚩 Common Signs You’re Being Projected On

• You feel confused and defensive, like you’re on trial for something you didn’t do.

• You’re accused of motives you don’t actually have.

• You’re constantly explaining yourself just to stay in the conversation.

• You’re left thinking, “Wait… am I the problem?”

Let me be clear: That confusion is the point.

Projection works best when you internalize it and start doubting yourself.

🧤 How to Protect Yourself from Projection

Let’s armor up, babe. This is about clarity, boundaries, and zero emotional babysitting.

1. Don’t Take the Bait

You don’t need to defend yourself against a lie they invented.

“That’s not true for me, but it sounds like something you might be feeling.”

Let them sit with it.

2. Name It (if safe)

“That feels like projection. I’m not going to take responsibility for something I didn’t do.”

Short. Calm. Boundaried. You’re not here to play therapist.

3. Hold Your Ground

Just because they say it doesn’t mean it’s yours.

Affirm to yourself: “I know my truth. I am allowed to disagree with someone’s version of me.”

4. Refuse to Be the Mirror

You’re not their emotional laundry basket. You are not required to carry what they refuse to process. Walk away if you need to. Silence is a power move.

5. Keep a Reality Check Buddy

Talk to someone you trust. “Hey, this just happened… am I crazy?” Spoiler alert: you’re not. But it helps to hear it.

🕊 Final Word: You Are Not Their Shadow

Projection is about them, not you.

You’re not selfish, dramatic, broken, or cruel just because someone else feels those things and doesn’t want to own them.

You’re allowed to hand the shame grenade back and say: “This doesn’t belong to me.”

And then? You leave it on the ground and keep walking.

Because around here—we speak our truth, own our part, and return to sender anything that isn’t ours.

With Love,

Dana & Nicky