The Big 4-0

Turning 40 is a big deal. And honestly? I was scared of it this year. I didn’t feel celebratory—I felt paralyzed. Trapped by the reality of my limitations. My dreams felt out of reach, and the weight of what I couldn’t do hit hard.

I had this dream: sushi in Japan with my dad. A celebration of our shared curiosity, our wild food adventures, our father-daughter joy. But flying isn’t an option for me anymore—not to California for a wedding, and definitely not to Japan. It hurt. But I accepted that. I even found a new dream. One I’ve been quietly building for years. And though I didn’t quite get there in time, I’m close. I’m still chasing it. And I always find a way.

💐 Enter: My Mom

We’ve been on rocky ground lately. I’ve been setting boundaries for the first time in my life—not easy at 40, when you feel like you’re still stuck in the role of a kid. But I’ve learned from recovery that it’s okay to say no. It’s okay to say, “That’s not good for me.” It’s okay to demand respect without guilt.

So I was nervous to see my mom. I didn’t want to fight. I didn’t want to feel small on a day that’s supposed to make you feel big. But something beautiful happened. She met me where I was.

We skipped the fancy dinner plans. We didn’t go to the Melting Pot like we’d originally planned. My mom saw I was in pain and said, “Let’s do something easier.” I can’t explain how rare that is. Usually, I end up performing on my birthday—smiling through pain, pretending I’m okay so they can have a nice time. But not this year. This year, we went to Cracker Barrel. She got ribs. I got veggies. And it was perfect.

She came back to my house the next day. We skipped more plans. We hung out. We relaxed. She took meetings. I took meetings. We did nails. And she didn’t push. She didn’t try to change the pace. She let me be.

🔑 A Tiny Misstep… and a Major Win

There was one little hiccup. I set a boundary. It wasn’t respected. I asked for my car keys back—clearly, calmly, repeatedly—and was told no. That I would be driven in my own car whether I liked it or not. And in that moment, I made a new boundary: No one holds my keys but me.

And I didn’t scream. I didn’t spiral. I just made the correction. I took back my power. And yeah—on the drive to the airport, I cracked the window and smoked, because my comfort matters too.

It wasn’t about the smoking. It was about the balance. I respected her preferences all weekend. And when mine weren’t respected? I didn’t back down. I didn’t perform. I held my line with grace.

And somehow? That one uncomfortable moment didn’t ruin anything. Because the weekend wasn’t about being perfect—it was about being present. And we were.

💛 A Birthday That Mattered

This birthday wasn’t sushi in Japan. It wasn’t a big splashy dream. But it was real. It was soft. It was full of quiet love and hard-earned respect. My mom showed up. She listened. She adjusted. We laughed. We ate. We napped and painted nails and texted each other with warmth afterward. And that, to me, is everything.

Not every family member got it right this year. I didn’t get a call or card from one of my parents. I didn’t get flowers. I got a birthday text that felt like it came from a robot. That hurt. But you know what? That doesn’t define me. That defines them. I still show up with grace. I still do the right thing. I don’t need to mirror anyone’s bitterness.

Because I have faith in my family. I know we’re all learning. Growing pains hurt. But I believe in the people who raised me, even when they disappoint me. I know their intentions are good—even if they’re frustrating as hell. 😅

🎁 The Best Gift

David gave me a wonderful pre-birthday day. My mom gave me something I didn’t even know I needed: the sense that we can evolve. That we can find each other again. That she’s willing to have a relationship with the version of me I am now.

That’s the best gift I could’ve received. And it was worth every ounce of the fight it took to get here.

With Love,

Dana & Nicky