Survival Mode: Understanding Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn

Most people have heard of Fight or Flight—our instinctive reactions to danger. But what many don’t realize is that there are actually four core survival responses wired into our nervous systems: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn. And for those of us who have lived through trauma, especially complex PTSD, these responses can shape not just how we handle crises, but how we move through everyday life.

What Is Survival Mode?

Survival mode is exactly what it sounds like: when your brain and body shift into high alert because they sense a threat—whether that threat is real, remembered, or imagined. It’s an ancient system designed to keep us alive. The problem is that for many trauma survivors, this system gets stuck on. We don’t just survive danger—we live in it.

I know this because I’ve lived in survival mode most of my life. The ways I react, the ways I protect myself, the ways I sometimes sabotage my own peace—it’s all survival instinct. And until I learned to recognize it, I had no idea how much control it had over me.

The Four Survival Responses:

1. Fight

This is the classic response: you face the threat head-on.

Anger, defensiveness, controlling behaviors can come from an overactive Fight response.

In survival mode, I’ve found myself ready to argue, defend, or push people away—even when I didn’t fully understand why.

2. Flight

The urge to run—physically, emotionally, mentally.

For me, this looked like disappearing when things got hard: leaving relationships, avoiding phone calls, running from commitments, even faking sick from school way back when. It can also show up as anxiety, perfectionism, or the inability to sit still.

3. Freeze

This one is less talked about but incredibly common.

When your system overloads, you freeze—you shut down. You numb out. You go silent.

I’ve spent days, weeks even, unable to make decisions, stuck in cycles of overthinking, disassociating from reality because my brain was protecting me by doing nothing.

4. Fawn

This one took me the longest to recognize in myself. Fawning is when you people-please to survive.

You agree, you placate, you abandon your own needs just to keep the peace or avoid conflict.

This is me. Most people think I get stuck mostly in fight - I do fight, with words, with a pen. I am very, very good at it. Most people who know me say I should have been a lawyer.. id have much more money but I would be totally miserable. I’ve lost myself to fawning so many more times—becoming who I thought others needed me to be because I was too afraid to be rejected or harmed if I said no.

Two examples:

-I gave up my van which is my dream right before I purchased it… to someone who told me status is not important to them but, their girlfriend couldn’t be in a Walmart parking lot (like i would ever lol).

-Growing up there were many many things I did not want to do. The college chosen for me, as well as what i would be learning - were not my choice. Not at all. In fact they were things that I shamed my entire life. So I have a degree in something I hate. But I did do it - to please someone and to keep a roof over my head as I thought I would be kicked out if I did not. Guys - this ruined my entire life. No one asked me as a little girl if I wanted to grow up to be the queen of pain and trauma - but here we are. Since this ruined me… learn from it. Don’t let anything, or anyone ruin your life too.

Why Does This Matter?

When you understand these patterns, you can start to notice them without shame. These are not character flaws. They are survival mechanisms that once kept you safe. The problem is when they keep running your life long after the danger has passed.

For me, I’ve learned to pause when I notice these instincts rise. I ask:

Is this now or is this then?

Is this fear or fact?

What does Little Me need right now to feel safe?

Healing from Survival Mode

Healing doesn’t mean you’ll never feel triggered again. It means you’ll learn to respond differently when you do. It means setting boundaries. It means finding safety in your own body. It means choosing who you let close and trusting yourself when you say no. Learning to trust yourself.

I’ve been through more trauma than I could possibly list here. I’ve spent my life in Freeze and Fawn. I’ve run from good things and clung to harmful ones. But I’m learning. And I’m healing.

If you see yourself in these words, know this: You are not broken. You are surviving. And you can heal.

If you need support or want to share your story, I’m here. You don’t have to walk this path alone. I respond to every email.

With Love,

Dana & Nicky.